Both mother and father play an important role in the life of the kid. It is essential for the kids to receive attention from both the set of parents, and both parents should be able to do this, forgetting their own differences. Keeping the safety and the child’s need in mind the Indiana state government has also formed certain rules and regulations. They should leave their personal differences apart to raise mature kids. Co-parenting comes into existence when both parents have differences beyond repair and are separated. So, let us know more in detail about what is co-parenting and have a look at what are the tips for divorced parents.
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What is co-parenting?
Co-parenting is a post-divorce arrangement where both parents jointly participate in their kid’s related activities. Co-parenting is easier said than done. The quality of the relationship between the co-parents also has a strong influence on the mental and emotional well being of their kids. A joint custody relationship can be very strenuous and stressful especially if you have a stressful relationship with your ex-partner. You may feel stressed about your partner’s parenting abilities, child support, and other financial issues. You may feel that you may never be able to overcome the issues between you and your ex-partner. Interacting with a person whom you are trying to forget is also a very daunting task. Both the spouses should be committed to maintaining civility and forgetting their own differences for the child. Here are a few tips on how to manage co-parenting and what are the benefits of co-parenting for your kid.
Benefits of co-parenting for your kids
First of all with the help of co-parenting your kid will understand that he or she is more important to you than the relationship that you share with your ex-partner. As a part of the divorce process both the parents should develop a co-parenting plan that is helpful to both of them. The kids will also understand that your love for them will prevail forever for them. Here are the benefits of co-parenting for the kids
- The kids feel more secure and comfortable
- Kids are emotionally and mentally more stable
- The kids have a healthy example to follow
- Better problem-solving skills
- Consistency
Kids feel more secure and comfortable
When both the parents are getting separated, the kids are also feeling highly insecure. They may not be able to give way to their emotions. But, when both the parents decide to go for co-parenting, the kid feels more confident and can adjust better to the circumstances.
Kids are emotionally and mentally more stable
If the parents are able to resolve the conflict between them, the kid will be more mentally stable. Otherwise, the kids may suffer from depression or ADHD. The kids may also go through a traumatic relationship themselves. So, it is very important that the parents themselves opt for co-parenting and forget their own differences.
The kids have a healthy example to follow
Also by observing that both the parents are ready to co-parent by forgetting their differences will give kids a good moral example to follow. That they can take with them and follow throughout their lives.
Better problem-solving skills
When a kid sees both his or her parents working together for his or her well being, the kid will develop a better confidence level and problem-solving skills.
Consistency
When you are co-parenting, both the parents are expected to follow the same set of rules. Hence, the kids know what to expect and what not to. When the kids get to follow the same set of rules, their mindset remains in proper equilibrium which is very important for their future.
Co-parenting tips that you need to follow
When both sets of parents decide to enter into co-parenting, there are certain tips that they should follow. Here are a few tips that both the parents should follow to enter co-parenting.
- Set your differences aside
- Communicate with your co-parent
- Form a team with your co-parent
- Make the visitation easier
Set your differences aside
When you decide to go for co-parenting, the parent should know that their anger, resentment, and hatred towards each other should take a back seat and only child welfare should be in your mind. It is very important that you vent out your feelings to either your friend, your therapist, or any other family member, but, not towards your child.
You need to stay kid-focused when you feel angry or resentful and behave gracefully for the kid’s sake. You should remember that you need to compartmentalize your feelings and never use your kid as a messenger between your ex and yourself.
Communicate with your Co-parent
It is very important that you set good communication goals with your ex. In order to communicate with your ex-partner, it is not necessary that you always meet your partner in person. You should have a peaceful and consistent relationship with the co-parent. Having mature communication with your ex should be your ultimate goal for the well-being of your child. For that, you should follow some of the following tips
Maintain a business-like tone
For the well-being of your child, you need to communicate with your ex. It is better that you maintain a business-like neutral tone that is respectful. You should relax and talk slowly and maintain a cordial relationship.
Make request
Sometimes when you just make a statement it may be misinterpreted as an order. So, make sure that your tone is set to a requesting one like can you please or would you like to.
Kid focused conversation
You should keep the conversation with your ex kid-focused and not wander away from the topic. You should not discuss what happened in the past between both of you or any other topic that is not needed.
Listening
The first and foremost rule for effective communication is to become a good listener. You should convey clearly to your ex-partner that you understand their point of view clearly even if you disagree with him or her.
Show restraint and become calm
You should understand that you need to maintain a cordial relationship with your ex for your child at least till your child becomes mature. So, you should train your mind to maintain your cool and not lose yourself when they try to push your buttons. For this, you can also practice quick stress relief techniques and can stay in control when the pressure builds up.
Form a team with your co-parent
You should make it clear to your kid that you and your ex are a united front for the kid and will always be there for him or her. That way you will be able to build up your kids’ confidence. Here are the few goals that you should set for co-parenting.
First of all, make a point that you should involve your ex in all the important decisions including medical, educational, and other life-related decisions. The other goals are as follows.
Rules and discipline
At both the parents house it is not necessary that rules are the same. But, you should make sure that certain rules like following the discipline, doing home work, and off-limit activities that are prohibited for the kids.
The same is for the discipline that is to be followed. The same set of disciplinary actions should be followed at both the houses. If the kid does something wrong and his or her TV time is cancelled at your ex partners house, the same discipline should be followed at your place. The same thing goes for the rewarding actions.
Schedule
If it is possible the co-parents should also try to work on maintaining the same schedule for the child. Maintaining the same schedule will help transitioning the kid more easily between the two homes.
Make the visitation easier
It is very difficult for a child to see both the parents in different houses and adjust to the new routine. So, make sure that when you are sending your kid to your ex-partner’s place you help him pack his basic belongings, allow him or her to keep some things at both the places and fix a routine for the kid. Kids love to keep their schedule and love to know what they can expect from you. Also, make sure to spend some time with your kid when he or she returns back from your ex’s place.
So, here are a few tips on co-parenting that you as a parent should follow if you are divorced. Please let us know your views in the comments section.